i've got a profile on an online dating-site. there, i said it! [smile] but what does that say about me? that i'm too desperate? is it a 'low' way of meeting ppl? well, i really don't think so. first of all: i'm not desperate. i broke up with my first real girlfriend just a month ago, mostly because i wasn't 'ready' to invest in a relationship. secondly: it really is just a way of meeting new ppl! -something i absolutely LOVE doing!
but in all this, a question's eating my toes. "what do I want from a girlfriend?" and i found out that i really just have a huge need for appreciation. i've had a couple of friends that've really, really listened when i've gone off on my try-hard-philosophical rantings and ravings. -and they've gotten to know me like none of my other friends. coincidencially, these particular friends have been girls, and i've ended up confiding alot to them. it's created a sort of intimacy! why? well, just because these are ppl that invest in me. they invest time and energy, listening and commenting wisely. this makes me open right up, cos i'm just waiting for ppl who'll listen, partly because i'm confidant that they recognize my philosophical ingenuity. [i do have my streaks - i think... hehe]
after a couple of middle stopping stations for the train of thought, i've concluded that appreciation - being an indirect love language - is a basic need for me. i need someone who'll take the time to listen to me express myself, and i'm confidant that others need this too, so i try to fulfill that need in others too.
oh my, why am I writing all this?! should erase it all, but now i've already written it so it'd be a waste... though it is a waste anyhow. [laughs at himself]
not hard to sense that it's late, huh?!
by the way (or not), I've decided to dare to dream! dare to hope! -for the vision that God has inspired for me. I wanna play music. Music = feelings. I'm passionate about making people experience with their entire being, and I wanna give people an opportunity to EXPERIENCE the love, acceptance, forgiveness and so much else that i've experienced. i just KNOW that it's right. that Jesus is right! it makes too much sense, plus my heart of hearts is convinced, trusting and hopeful.
for now: goodnight, people of the world! love is around you, just waiting. -hurting in the meantime...
---for thought---
"Love - or not to be." -F.K.Jensen alias "Hit_Filip"
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2 comments:
i chanced upon your blog the other day and i must admit i really dig what you wrote.you write well..often very inspirational.i thought psalm 23 was really sweet.just dropping by to say that i enjoy reading your blog. *smiles* you got yourself a fan.
ooh, i can post as anonymous (this is san btw) without signing up. fan frickin tastic :)
if you ever have a chance, watch 'Love Actually'. it's a beautiful movie about the fact that love is all around - in friends, family, relationships, etc etc.
meeting someone who appreciates you is the best feeling ever. being able to unconditionally invest yourself but yet knowing that you would get the same in return is exactly what friendship and relationships should be about. if you ever find a girl who can do that, take my advice, my friend. Make like Star Trek and Klingon! (sorry, glen's been forcing me to do Next Gen marathons with him)
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